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Welcome to my videos about INFJs and more!!! I’m so excited to share my knowledge with you. I hope you will be able to use this knowledge to grow and understand yourselves better. Thank you so much for watching, and of course, don’t forget to subscribe!

INFJs have a lesson to learn about forgiveness, that can be a heavy lesson to learn, but oh-so-useful. Especially forgiving our parents for being bad at parenting.

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Boom Shikha : INFJs – Forgive Your Parents For Being Bad At Parenting

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35 COMMENTS

  1. Personally, I had anger issues particularly with mom since forever, because she has this uncontrollable tendency to tell me what to do, getting in the way, doing things for me without asking, invading my space, putting controls on me, etc where I really just want to be left alone and not be restricted in any way. Those things seemed normal and okay for majority of people, and yes she does it out of good intentions and love, but as a Manifestor (Human Design) they're not acceptable and results in deep anger. I just took a course in EFT, and find it useful for releasing these bad emotions. But bad emotions are meant to tell us something, something that needs paying attention to – so many people, books, courses and techniques, while useful, doesn't address why these bad emotions surface to begin with or keep on repeating. So I'm going to use EFT to release the anger and replace it with forgiveness. More importantly, I need to constantly effectively communicate the need to be left alone, to not be controlled, told or asked what to do, I just need to be informed. Else, the anger will come again, because other types just can't help but unintentionally trip over a Manifestor, and this is due to the basic differences between Manifestors and other types that is so counter-intuitive to them.

    I'm guessing you're a Manifestor too Boom. Though I'm not sure if the above scenario is applicable to you.

  2. I'm a young teen and I haven't been a real kid in years. And unfortunately I need to take control of my life because my parents still control all of my life and I don't like them for it but I understand that they have no idea what there doing with me(even though i have 3 brothers, 1 older and 2 younger) but I still don't like them for it.
    I just shove the anger so far down that I forget that I have it and it lets me focus on tying to get good feelings that I can focus on and put closer to the outside of my personality.
    Really sorry for posting so many comments on all of your videos, I just started watching your videos a few days ago and there so good that I spend all day after school watching them(not that I have anything better to do)

  3. I have recently Been able to help my elderly parents financially, in which enabled them to move to the coast to spend there golden years where they yearned to be. I have not always had a great relationship with my folks but only now do we all realize how much we mean the earth to each other, despite our differences. If there is anything in this world that is valid and important, it is family. Take the step and fix what needs to be fixed, as they wont be here annoying you for ever. I actually enjoy talking to them these days and not only feel a great weight of my heart lifted, we cherish the time we have left. If I have done anything right in my life it is this. ATB.

  4. There are different levels of forgiveness. My mother was very abusive physically and emotionally. She continued to be emotionally abusive into my adulthood. I repeatedly discussed what would happen if her behavior continued. I gave her plenty of warnings. I finally had to put her out of my life. From my point of view I have forgiven her without reconciling. I cannot discuss this with her because she will see it as an act of reconciliation. But I will not allow her back into my life. I think of her as already having passed on. But I don't dwell upon my anger. I feel that I've let go of resentment. From that point of view I have forgiven her.my grandparents were an important part of my childhood and they were more human mistake kind of situations. Giving up resentment toward people who didn't know better and the mistakes were moderate or mild is reasonable and not difficult for me. But I will not allow somebody who wants to destroy me be a part of my life.I believe that it's important to love yourself enough that you protect yourself from those who would be destructive to you. Even if that means that you put your parents out of your life.

  5. Lots went on between my Mom and myself, I was living on my own at the age of 16. It took years but my Mom and myself hand a very long sit down talk and talked of everything that happened, we made things right and I forgave her. Don't get me wrong we still had a few problems but we always worked them out. In the end she was my best friend and I could always count on her. Life without her has been more painful than any of the problems we had In the past. If you can forgive them it's best (its not always easy, I know. But it is healthier for the both of you) and try to enjoy them while you have them.

  6. Wow. It’s amazing for me that you posted this today. Today is not only my mothers birthday (we’ve never had a good relationship) , it is also the 3rd anniversary of my father’s death —a man who abandoned me before birth. I have had great anger towards the both of them for failing me and even today that anger and resentment permeates my daily life. In going to work harder on forgiving and letting go of the hurt and anger that I’ve been holding onto all of these years. Thanks once again🙏

  7. sometimes i blame my parents for bringing me to this life and the way they made me too shy and honest which made me loss every one i cared about and every thing that i loved
    but in the end we infj's don't hate or hold grudge in our hearts
    so we forgive because we actually blame our self for every loss we had

  8. I agree that one should forgive their parents, it lifts a huge burden off your shoulder that you forgot was even there. But, and I speak from personal experience, that being imperfect is one thing but not all parents that just that. There is deliberate harm they inflict on heir children. Especially when they are young and don’t understand what is going on, it is very traumatic for them. But they should still forgive and move on, for their own sake. They can forgive but never ever ever forget. If they had done so before then they are likely to do it again. Also not all parents have the excuse of being young, and even then it’s not much of an excuse. They are the parent and have a natural responsibility towards their children the moment they decide to let them come into the world.

  9. I understand forgiveness and although it’s not something I’m particularly good at, I have considered it with my parents. But I think my question goes beyond just letting go of the anger. I’m wondering now how to even relate to them when they clearly haven’t learned from those same mistakes of the past. Is it even healthy for me to keep exposing myself to the toxicity and keep getting hurt, even if I have forgiven them. It feels impossible to keep up the connection to them when after every interaction there’s the rising urge to doorslam them forever. If anyone has insights, I’m all ears.

  10. Literally not even 5 seconds before scrolling and seeing this I literally just got irritated about something my family does. I forgive them but it pisses me off on the inside I let it out one time but it was pure strong emotion instead of anger. But now it starting to piss me off more and more I do not like repeating myself

  11. Forgiveness is not enough in itself… and it's the easy bit. You can do it anytime but understanding problems, finding their cause, helping others… all so difficult.

  12. Boom!
    This is exactly the answer i came to regarding the question i asked you about internalizing anger and hurt that others had done to me. I was struggling because by doing this i really developed a self hatred that at times has been unbearable.

    I knew that because of who i am i refused to express my anger back towards the people who hurt and harmed me. So i held it all in not only the hurt but the anger.

    Forgiveness is maybe one of the hardest things for many of us to even realize that we need it. And exactly right in saying it is for ourselves. Because in some cases people don't care that they have hurt you or they are incapable of being any better than they are. But i know how toxic holding all of this hurt and anger can be.

    For me it's easier for some reason to forgive others outwardly. But the internal stuff and forgiving myself is what i know i have to work more on.

    I do not wish to suffer with the self disgust. That refusal to look in the mirror the anxiety and frustration. I want to love myself with the same kindness and compassion and especially forgiveness that i so easily give to others.

    For any one who feels this way i hope that you also find forgiveness for yourselves and others.

    As always thank you for your beautiful words.

  13. There best wasn't close to good enough. Some people just shouldn't breed there just horrid parents that stole my childhood and eroded my soul leaving me a fractured shell of who I should be. I guess your a better person than me because a good day is one I get through without breaking down crying and or wanting to kill myself.

  14. I always had this subconscious thing were I wanted my parents to understand and admit what they did wrong but they never will because they pretend they don't remember or 'it never happened' or they remember it differently. I suppose it's their own egos preserving/protecting themselves. So what's the point in arguing with them or being angry? It won't change anything for anyone. It's happened. I think baby boomers all over the world were victims of society's pressure to marry very young my mum and dad were 19 and 21. I'm 32 and have no desire to marry or have kids and I think that's a lot to do with looking back and thinking – no thanks!

    if an infj has a tendency to put 'the tribe' before themselves I think they might be better off without a tribe if that option is available or at least take time be alone and selfish for a while so u can see the wood from the trees. Do u know what I mean? Sometimes family's see girls as utilities and become over reliant on a child when they really could do a lot more for themselves.

  15. Hey Boom, I feel so bad that you missed out on childhood 😢😣 number 1 on my blessings list has always been my family, my home life as a child was as good as it gets, I know I'm soooo lucky that way. The few minor mistakes I forgave long, long ago as a part of the process of growing up. Everything I've been looking at recently on Internet has made me even more grateful, it's so easy to think your doing the best by your child out of normal parental love and actually be damaging them without meaning to at all, I spoke to my parents yesterday and I thanked them for managing to not screw me up, mum said that was completely accidental lol!😅 silly mummy!
    Thank you Mum and Dad for making me the unique, quirky, crazy, person I am xxxxx

  16. Hey Boom I agree with forgiving but don’t think it is wise to forget. I’ve done that in the past and kept getting hurt as a result. Idk what are your thoughts on this?

  17. Omg me too I had to be the parent!!!! Never able to be a child. This is one of the things that I have worked on, after reading a lot from Dalai Lama on compassion. Since I have come to terms with all this I now have a relationship with my mom and sister that was not there before.
    Crap thanks a lot for calling me out again!!!! Lol now I have to make up with my mother in law and I don’t want to! I really need to for the sake of my marriage but she wants an apology and I refuse to apologize for protecting myself. Grrrrrrr
    I really need to get past this. I am working on figuring out how to approach this.
    Thank you again! Love watching love 💕 rather than the hate that’s going on all around me. Half the ppl in the us have lost their minds!

  18. Boom, forgiveness is a good thing but forgetting not sure that is a wise move in relationships where people have treated infj’s badly. My logic says… why forget so they can do it again? Several times of the same behaviors are a no, no to me. Love the concepts of your videos.

  19. Some parents never fall into the adult category. It sounds like your's have always had a childish dynamic.

    Having married at 16 your mother likely missed key moments for growth.

    Personally, I think sometimes we just have to move on with our lives. If that constitutes some degree of forgiveness than I will classify as such.

    Live your lives my fellow INFJs

  20. Not a Problem, mine did Okay. My Mom is a diehard Liberal, that's UNforgivable. They both whipped my ass for being Disobedient and/or disrespectful, Taught me many Valuable and IMPORTANT things(How to Hunt, fish, grow and can my own food, train animals and fix things, etc., and they did NOT Raise me to be a Lying, Stealing, pussified piece of Entitled trash. I'm PROUD as Hell I had Actual PARENTS who CARED more about ME than their SELVES.

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