In today’s video, I’m sharing a favorite parenting tip of mine: to encourage your children in their everyday tasks. Please chime in and let us know what you think of the subject. Do you struggle in this area? Or do you have anymore tips to add to the discussion? Let us know in the comment section and your comment could be chosen as comment of the week on The Daily Connoisseur.

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the Daily Connoisseur : Getting Your Children to Clean | Parenting Chat | Jennifer L. Scott

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49 COMMENTS

  1. I think this is one of my favorite videos. You inspire me to be chic on the inside and the outside. Your wisdom is my inspiration. I need to work on positive affirmation for my teenager. I feel like when they are almost adults it is easy to drop the dialogue.

  2. You know it's funny, I still remember my mum saying to me once when I finished making my bed, that out of all of our family, I was the one who made it look the most neat and stylish. To this day, I still remember this comment and really enjoy making my bed every morning 😀 (I am 30 now) Affirmations are really powerful!

  3. I try Jennifer! I have 2 rambunctious boys ages 7 and 10 who feed off of each other. They do love to clean but this comes in spurts. 2 boys is a bit different from having 2 girls 🙁

  4. For those with younger children, I can tell you that teaching your kids to help really pays off. There are times when they are small that it would be much easier to do it yourself. My kids are a bit older now (12, 15, & 18), and they are at the point that they can do quite a bit to help. One tip that I have is to help with whining or complaining about chores. Sometimes, my kids would grumble, and I would remind them that in families we help each other. They can see their parents and other siblings working, and they know that everyone is involved to keep things running smoothly. Another tip for reluctant workers is to give them as many choices as possible. You might let them choose between tasks or choose which days they would like to do certain tasks. Having some control can make them feel more ownership of the job.

  5. I don’t have children yet but I would like to comment on my own childhood. I wish my mum knew this advice! She gave me chores but always critisised what I did. At times I had to clean something over and over again and it would never be to her satisfaction. I always felt worthless and it wasn’t fun because I was anticipating the criticism. Also I wasn’t allowed to help her with cooking because she felt I was disturbing more then helping. Which was probably true but the result of that was that I had to learn cooking on my own once I moved out. I love my mother and I know that she did the best she could but I just wish parents knew that their children may suffer from anxiety or low self esteem in the future, if they constantly point out things to improve rather than encourage them. I love your positive affirmations! I practise similar afirmations, with my partner. He helps me around the house much more now that I praise him, then when I used to complain about his mess. Love your videos Jennifer, you are such a great role model. Thank you.

  6. I have a 13 year old son and when complimenting him we try to focus on the attributes we want to foster such as kindness, thoughtfulness, perseverance, hard work, compassion, etc., instead of on the specific outcome. So, for example, instead of complimenting him on a specific school grade we'll focus on how much effort he put into that particular assignment or how persistent he was at figuring out a problem. This also helps him focus on the process instead of just the final product. As a child I was a perfectionist and sometimes avoided trying something or doing something if I thought I was going to fail or if I didn't think I was going to "do a good job." I wish I could have told myself that it was more important to "give it a go" and learn from the experience and so that's what I'm trying to instill in my son. Thanks for listening. Cheers.

  7. Great video! My kids are older and I wish I had trained them better and encouraged them more. I look forward to being a grandma one day! 😉 I am married so I’ll be able to bless my husband! Hats off to you for making the most of the time with your children while they are young!

  8. I absolutely love and agree with everything you stated in this video. You simply cannot put a price on the value of encouragement! Our children crave it! But most of all, they deserve it. ❤️

  9. My daughter is 18 months and I love how she doesn't have any negative associations with cleaning yet. She happily picks up her books or toys, wipes up spills on the floor, or dusts furniture. I'm hoping to keep it positive!

  10. Love the video! I have a request for you, perhaps you're already planning this topic, but could you do a video on chic marriage advice? My husband and I are in our late 20's with no children yet. What are some of the best ways to keep the peace and harmony in a Madame Chic way? What was the dynamic in the Chic household like in terms of Madame et Monsieur Chic?

  11. The timing for this topic is very convicting for me today. I have a very energetic six year old and I have to work hard to find affirmations for him. It’s hard when I’m tired. 😕 So Thank you for this reminder. Shaping hearts and minds matters so very much. ❤️

  12. Hi Jennifer! I love your books and thoughts on so many subjects( dumbing down of society , parenting etc…) I have three children of my own and can definately say that positive affirmation works so much better that negative comments! Have you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? Soooo wonderful! He has one he wrote for children as well.These books helped me understand my husband, mother , siblings and children so much better( not to mention myself). You should read them if you haven't because they are gems in helping understand society! Keep up the awesome work! I look forward to yourcnext book!

  13. Amen! I love this! I am also a homeschooler, pursuing an encouraging environment for my girls in our home. I used to get annoyed when my toddler helped me clean the toilet. But then I realized-OH!! She wants to HELP me!!- So, I decided to teach her how to do it and I've told her how much I appreciate her doing it and now we're both so incredibly happy! 😃
    Encouraging words break tension and create such a life-giving green house for growth in our home. I really try to make an effort to stop what I'm doing, look at my kids in the eyes, and smile at them a lot. One thing I do is listen to their suggestions. My girls love it. I will ask their opinion (on something like what sheets to put on the bed, or how to arrange the dishes in the cupboards, etc) and incorporate their suggestions in our home. It builds their confidence so much when they know I truly value their ideas.
    THANK YOU for sharing your experience and your examples of specific praise/affirmations. Yes!! I love it!!♥️

  14. My biggest tip as a parent now to two young adults. When you say or do something wrong apologize to them. Accept what you said or how you behaved. This will encourage them and allow them to be honest and respect you. I grew up in a home where my parents never apologized for the things they said or did. I can't begin to explain how terrible that was for me. Thanks for sharing Jennifer. Really enjoyed the video!

  15. As a parent to 6 children and a grandparent now; I'm very glad you are modeling these wonderful traits to your children. Not only are you teaching your children today, but you are teaching future parents. So many times my children have said or done things that I did with them. Or they will tell me that they remember me doing something and they are now doing that same thing with their children. I know I would be horrified if I heard my daughter yelling at her kids and she said, "well, you yelled at us!" And I did yell sometimes, I'm not proud of it but I wasn't perfect. Love covers a multitude of mistakes, thank goodness! Your children know you are doing your best and when love rules in your home it all turns out fine.

  16. We've showed our 4 year old how to do different age-appropriate tasks; then when she does them I love to tell her how responsible she is and to thank her for helping make our home a nice place to live. "In our family we all help keep our house clean and a happy place to be" is a good reminder when she's dragging her feet on something. And YES to affirming and thanking spouses – it does wonders both in terms of how much your partner helps out and for my own mood, especially when I'm tempted to criticize the way a task was done.
    Leah from http://www.thriftshopchic.com

  17. Such a gr8 topic! Our words are powerful. They can build up or break down.
    I try to be careful with my words. And our children believe what we tell them.
    Funny example today. I am a mom of three. 7 yr old girl, 2,4 yr boy and 3 month old baby girl.
    I was walking with my two eldest and my son Ian wanted me to carry him every 5 steps..
    I told him.. you have strong legs.. you can walk long distances… you really have strong legs..
    he just repeated what i said the whole way to school..
    and guess what? He walked all by himself.. he believes that he has strong legs!
    We encourage our kids so much with our words.
    This apply to our husbands as well…
    i will tell my husband how grateful i am for his commitment for his family.. and thank him that he works so hard… when he helps around the house i would thank him…
    I see the twinkle in his eyes..
    His love language is words of affirmation sooo… he really feels loved too.

  18. Great topic, Jennifer! I think having tasks or "chores" not only helps children to become self-sufficient, it adds to their self-confidence and self-esteem. I think children love knowing that they are helping and contributing to the welfare of the family (and this is true for teens as well). When I was a teenager, my mother and I started taking turns making dinner during the week. One night, when it was my turn, I was in the kitchen, getting some things to take out to the table. I overheard my father say to my mother, "It's really helpful when Ann makes dinner, isn't it," and my mother agreeing. That made my feel so "big" and so good about myself! Imagine how much a few words of encouragement will mean to small children!

  19. I absolutely agree! And on the other hand, I make sure that when I make a mistake in front of my kids (spill, knock something over, forget to do something, etc) I say something like "Oh look what I just did! Mommy made a silly mistake- let me clean that up." It's helped them get over slipping up and sets an example of how to deal with making mistakes.

  20. Love this! I need to do this more with my daughter. She's 10 and hates cleaning or doing much of anything besides playing outside with friends. Since I'm having a baby in Jan I really need her to do more, at least for her own maintenance (cleaning her room).. I've let her get away with so much and it's time to put my foot down. Lol.

  21. Hi Jennifer, being a long time visitor since reading your M Chic. Love your passion to instill style, elegance &purpose to the daily life. Question: I’m 20week pregnant and have an energetic 2 yr old. I’ve been taking care of her at home while she’s on the waitlist for her school. With the pregnancy, i found myself running out of energy and patience to deal with her demands by2/3pm everyday. It becomes a constant struggle to be productive, and the parent I’d like to be. Can you share how you manage your energy level & patience daily with homeschooling, kids’ nonstop demand, housework, writing, etc?

  22. Thank you for addressing this topic! I'm currently pregnant with our first, and enjoy your parenting videos as we store up counsel and information for the future. 🙂 I always appreciate your positivity, and that's very well illustrated in today's video. While I'm not a parent yet, I worked in the classroom for several years, and can definitely attest to the importance of positive affirmation. I witnessed students being torn down by negative attitudes from some educators, and consistently found that positively affirming their efforts as well as their successes made for a much more productive learning environment. I'm looking forward to adopting that approach in our home with our own children. Best of luck as you get ready to add another member to your little team! 🙂

  23. Hi Jen thank you so much for this wonderful video , learn a lot from your videos. That’s true positive affirmation is so important, I tend to forget that and sometimes just can’t control myself to tell my five year old daughter some negative words whenever I’m frustrated with her …. I’m pregnant also with my second baby n as a working mom there are times that you lose you temper easily whenever you r tired n just want to do housework yourself coz it’s faster and easier, but thank you for your advice, it’s not for us it’s for our kids future, will follow your tips n encourage my daughter to enjoy cleaning 😊😘😘 thank you for reminding us moms 😅👍

  24. Jennifer, I think you would enjoy Sarah over at OurTribeOfMany’s channel. She’s a homeschooling mom of 9 & she does an excellent job of raising happy, helpful children. They’re a joy to watch!!!

  25. This is a wake up call for me. I’m the parent who makes sure my son does everything he needs to do/the tough parent while my husband is the fun parent and I feel like I come across as a nag at times. It’s got to the point where when he sees me coming, my son probably thinks I’m going to tell him another thing to do. He still needs reminding to brush his teeth and basic things which drive me crazy. I see now I’ve gone about this the wrong way. Thanks for telling us specifics on the affirmations. I do tell my son I love him a lot and how great he is at certain things but then destroying that good will with constantly reminding him to do this or that. I will try your affirmations and encourage him instead of beating him down 🙂

  26. Thank you for this. 🙂 I particularly love the 'styling the sofa' one. My son will clean if we play "Surprise Guest Is Coming". We pick up toys, hurrying, because a surprise guest is coming. Then, I go out and ring the bell. When he answers, I come in and pretend to be an animal or a toy. He has to guess what i am. Then, he takes a turn. He REALLY cleans to play this game.
    Also, my favorite, general, affirmation is "What a useful little engine you are!" My son loves to hold the door for me and unload the grocery cart onto the belt. I wish he liked to helped me with the baby, though.

  27. Jennifer, thank you so much for this. I really needed these reminders. My kiddos are 4 and 2 and I often would rather do things myself because it's faster and just easier. They do love to help and so I need to do better with not expecting perfection and encouraging them along the way. By the way, have you read The Lifegiving Home by Sally Clarkson? One of my favorite books – I think you would enjoy it! She also has a podcast you might like, as well. Lots of great motherhood encouragement from a seasoned mom of 4 grown children. Another podcast I enjoy is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/at-home-with-sally/id1041509070?mt=2

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/revive-our-hearts/id1181154045?mt=2

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/thankful-homemaker-a-christian-homemaking-podcast/id1294058924?mt=2

  28. Thank you, Jennifer! This video is such a gem of wisdom and good points! I am a bit disheartened because I did not do this with my kids when they were small. They are now 16, 11 and 7. The oldest one is helping me the most, surprisingly, but the 2 younger ones are very unwilling to do much around the house. Do you think it is too late to change their attitude?

  29. Such a necessary topic for families! When my children were growing up, we fostered an attitude that when we work as a team, we can accomplish big things. I tried to keep it positive and fun, and I lowered my standards-perfection was never the goal. We divided the home into zones, and a very small child would be teamed with an adult to clean that area. As they got older, they would get their own zones and I would check in now and then to cheer them on. There was always a reward when we finished- a tea party, a picnic under the apple tree, roasting hot dogs in the fireplace in the winter… Now I do these things with my grandkids!

  30. Good morning Jennifer! This was a much needed topic of discussion. I could definitely work on this area when it comes to parenting. I am going to shift my focus from pointing out everything they could improve to the effort they put into it and what has been accomplished and this won't just be something I focus on with my kids but also Jorge. I think this also encourages contentment. Thank you for sharing these helpful tips! ~Nikki

  31. I have an almost 2 year old and a baby on the way. Do you have any advice for how to engage and entertain my toddler when I am sick from morning sickness? Or when the baby is born and I’m healing and nursing? The affirmation I use with my son often is, “You are so loving!” He hugs us and his friends and toys often and I want him to retain that outpouring of love for others.

  32. Wonderful advice Jennifer! I wish that I had been less of a perfectionist when my boys were small and included them more in the cleaning. As they got older, I got better, but I know that I missed opportunities to encouraging their enthusiasm when they were little. I'm so glad that young mothers are benefiting from your sound advice and encouragement!

  33. And my dear Jennifer I say to you, you have a great memory. You remember everything👑 I have found, my children are in their 20&30’s, they become what they see us do and say! So begin believing for yourself ❤️

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